The Weighty Truth About Anxiety & Comfort

What happens when a baby cries?

We pick it up. We pay attention. We coddle. And…usually… we feed it.

What happens when a child falls down?

Is brave?

Needs comfort? …Maybe a sucker?

How about on birthdays or special occasions? …A bazillion calorie dinner PLUS yummy dessert!

Food is social. Food is fun. Food is soothing!!

Because eating is so often psychologically attached to comfort or love, the desire to put something in your mouth can be triggered when you’re feeling stressed, bored, lonely, helpless or depressed. Additionally, researchers are now suggesting that when you’re under stress, your willpower flies out the window and you’re less able to resist temptation. When feeling under siege, the need to feel better trumps everything else! So, unless we find a better way, we fall into a cycle of

discomfort = comfort food.

It’s fairly predictable, but *not* inevitable.

How do we fix it?

Replace the old cycle with new, tailored and effective comfort-supports to create healthier habits!

Step one of doing this can begin with taking the 5 Love Languages Quiz, available for free online. Taking the test will help you identify *your* best approach to self-love. It’s all well and good to suggest candles, spa days or bubble baths, but if those ideas don’t do anything for you… they’re not going to work. That’s where the quiz comes in because the results help you understand your own language of love, comfort and support. Once you see what you *really* crave, it’s easier to give it to yourself. And believe it or not, what you’re craving is NOT Doritos!

The quiz was originally designed by Dr. Gary Chapman as a couple’s aide, to demonstrate how one partner might demonstrate love by working hard to provide money and gifts, but the other partner might yearn for quality time alone. Each partner believes they’re doing all they can, but they become increasingly confused and frustrated with one another because they’re literally speaking different love languages. Interesting idea, no? Over time, the concept has been adapted for uses, like self-care models.

Brilliant!

No one else knows quite how you want or need to be loved the way that you do! And expecting someone else to provide for all of your needs is not only unrealistic, but going that route is a sure fire road to disappointment! Knowing your love language, and then using individualized self-care models allows you to self-soothe in meaningful, helpful ways so you’re not reaching for a Twinkie after a hard day (which never works in the long run anyway and only leads to self-loathing and maybe a little nausea).

The result of actually giving yourself what you need?

Feeling good.

Feeling confident. More in control. And… liking yourself!

Add hypnosis, to align your focus with your goals, and magic things begin to happen.

Win-Win-Win!!

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5 Love Languages: Self Love Edition

If your Love Language is: Words of Affirmation,

Your thoughts create your security!

· Practice daily affirmations. Our thoughts precede our emotions and behaviors.

· Recite mantras that encourage self-compassion. Bring your attention to being good to yourself.

· Journal your strengths and everything about you for which you are grateful. Document everything you accomplish, feel good about, do right, like about yourself, etc.

· Keep your self-talk positive. Turn down the volume of your inner critic and choose to be your best coach or cheerleader.

· Write a love letter to yourself

· List out your positive qualities

· List your favorite physical qualities (challenge yourself)

· Write a gratitude list

· Read

· Listen to a positive podcast

· Avoid toxic people and people who make you feel bad about yourself, even relations.

· Write a goal list

· Keep a compliment list (or file folder), and look through it when you’re feeling down.

· Read some inspirational quotes

· Forgive someone (it’s not about them at all. It’s a weight released from *you*.)

If you Love Language is: Acts of Service,

Be kind to yourself!

· Prepare healthy meals for yourself. Put thought and effort into grocery shopping and meal preparation.

· Create an organized, clean and aesthetically pleasing home environment. Love where you live, even if on a budget.

· Detox from social media. Unfriend, unfollow, block, or mute any old friends or acquaintances that cause stress. You don’t need any unnecessary (exhausting) drama!

· Schedule regular physical, dental and mental health check-ups. Address any health concerns in a timely manner as they arise. Without your health, you have nothing.

· Take care of yourself with love and attention. Shower, dress, manicure, walk like the beautiful person that you are.

· Make a budget to reduce or alleviate financial stress.

· Delegate errands

· Book a therapy appointment, a hair appointment, a chiropractor appointment, a gym appointment… and GO!

· Garden or bake or craft or anything else that gives you pleasure or feels rewarding.

· Change your scenery or redecorate / rearrange furniture. YouTube has a bazillion videos on how to do different things or ideas for inspiration.

· Take care of yourself as well as you’d take care of a cherished loved one!

If your Love Language is: Receiving Gifts,

Bestow Self-Love on Yourself!

· Allow things in your home and closet that bring you joy. (Then, purge the rest.)

· Gift yourself with an experience from your bucket list.

o Sky dive

o Try white water rafting

o Hike The Great Trail

o

· Budget for it, plan it, enlist help where necessary… and GO!

· Invest in yourself!

o Get that degree!

o Take a cooking class!

o Learn how to be a yoga instructor! How to paint! How to do voice acting!

· There are so many courses available for free online, including some from Harvard!

· Do the research, apply for grants and scholarships, or volunteer to learn new skills.

· Invest in knowledge.

· Treat yourself to the wisdom and perspective gained from travel.

· Limited funds?

o Consider volunteering, a working holiday, or traveling on the cheap with groups of friends.

If your Love Language is: Quality Time,

Be Present with Yourself!

· Set aside time for meditation, deep breathing or self-hypnosis. Doing so will help you reconnect and center yourself when you begin feeling frazzled.

· Make time for you! What do you enjoy doing? Make a commitment to yourself and the thinks that give you joy. Set aside time for them and make sure they happen! Play is a gift, and you deserve it!

· Exercise. Dance. Swim. Ride. Watch the stars. Be one with yourself and your body!

· Under-schedule and under-commit. You’re not a gerbil on a wheel… and you won’t *win* if you do more.

· Allow yourself a mental health/rest day.

· Take a nap (with or without an alarm clock)

· Schedule a lunch date with a friend

· Pray

· Disengage from social media

· Commit random acts of kindness

· Sleep in

· Journal

· Netflix binge

· Give yourself permission to just *be* for a weekend. Rest. Play. Order in. Revitalize.

· Go to bed early

· Wake early

· Set boundaries

If your Love Language is: Physical Touch,

Feel comfort!

· Stretch your muscles and give yourself a foot massage with a wooden roller. Relax your body. Try a scalp massager, a percussion massager, or a good finger massager. It’s amazing how much tension you hold in your hands!

· Release toxins and relax your muscles by soaking in a warm bath with epsom salts. Not only is the magnesium good for your body, but it releases stress. To create a lovely ambience, add candles. And for an added bonus, make them beeswax candles, which are natural air purifiers.

· Moisturize. Create a skincare routine. Think: pampering!

· Give yourself a spa treatment: manicure, pedicure, facial, deep conditioning, etc. Accept that you are worthy of care.

· Get a professional massage.

· PJs all day!

· Cuddle with a pet

· Exercise.

· Cut out sugar or junk food.

· Enjoy candles or aromatherapy at dinnertime.

· Take a walk outside. Check out your local hiking trails.

· Dance.

· Soft textures (clothing, socks, blankets, stuffed animals— anything you can touch, stroke, or hold that gives you comfort.)

· Weighted blankets

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

**Special credit to: Joyce Marter, Mary Lentz, & Isabelle Cruz for inspiration and ideas.

How Anxious Annie Avoided Adrenal Overload

A Free Toolkit For Managing Anxiety

Between a global pandemic, political insecurity and a declining economy, anxiety is rampant these days and the

effects are manifesting in a variety of negative ways: increased neuroses, difficult (or poor) decision making, panic attacks, memory blocks, digestive problems, muscle tension, lack of

‘willpower’, and the list goes on.

Hypnosis can and absolutely does help lessen the duration, frequency and weight of anxiety. There is an inexpensive anxiety relieving download available on my website that really does help, but what happens if you hit a snag or encounter a trigger during the middle of your day?

Hypnosis may not be a practical option at the checkout counter of the supermarket.

The good news is that you don’t have to just ‘live with it’. There are some simple, FREE, and extremely effective tools you can use.

HOW TO BEST USE THE TOOLS

Luckily, before crippling anxiety or panic attacks completely take hold, a wind up, or warning cycle occurs. This is your opportunity to pull out the toolkit. At this point, you have anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes (depending upon your individual pattern) to take action and avoid an actual meltdown.

Avoiding the attack will help you accomplish what you want in that moment, will help you feel more in control, and with repetition, will activate and reinforce a more helpful, constructive response.

WIN- WIN-WIN

Practical Tools for Managing Anxiety and Panic Attacks, Outside of Hypnosis:

These tools, when you actually use them, are very effective, but work best combined with the final reset breath described below.

YOUR TOOLKIT:

Tool #1) Naming the feeling.

When you first begin feeling anxious, take a moment to identify the feeling. Is it fear? General anxiety? Insecurity? Define it, and then begin speaking it out loud.

“I am feeling anxious (or whatever). Anxiety. Anxious. Anxious. Anxiety. I am feeling_______.”

or

Tool # 2) 3-2-1

Take a moment to identify:

3- things you can see

2- things you can hear

1-thing you can physically feel (your clothing on your body, your shoes on your feet, etc.)

or

Tool #3) Square breathing

Square breathing is a technique where one draws a box/square on their leg (or other body part) while focusing their breath. Begin by drawing your first line upward while resting for a count of 3, then move your finger over and breathe in deeply for a second count of three, move your finger down while holding your breath for a third count of three, and finally, close the box while exhaling for a count of three.

Square breathing/controlling your breath is one of the best, fastest, and easiest ways to control emotion and one of the advantages of this technique is that it can be done, unobtrusively-- anytime and anywhere. No one ever need know what you’re doing!

AND finally

4) Reset Breath

This breath should always be done once as the final step, after the other tools, and acts as a final reset and release. By breathing in very deeply, holding until slightly uncomfortable (a count of 4), and then finally exhaling, you mimic your body’s pattern of breath during your deepest state of sleep and relaxation. A reset breath is an involuntary signal for your body to relax, release and let go.

How do these tools work?

Your brain is capable of processing information at an incredibly rapid pace, and can accomplish so many things

with the greatest of ease. That said, even your amazingly complex and dynamic mind cannot be in two places at once, and modern science attributes different areas of the brain to different functions. Naming the Feeling, 3-2-1, and Square Breathing techniques

all work by relocating your mind’s energy away from the limbic system, where you process emotions, to other parts of the brain. Away from the brain’s emotional centre, you are able to reset and avoid a full-fledged attack.

By naming the feeling and speaking it aloud, you are activating the part of your brain called the Broca’s Area. It is responsible for producing speech and is located on the left side of your head towards the front.

The 3-2-1 technique and Square Breathing both engage your physical senses, located in the parietal (temperature, taste, and a few others) and occipital (vision) lobes of your brain, again pulling brain energy away from the limbic system.

A Final Word:

You don't need to suffer. There is help... and it needn't be expensive!

The very BEST approach I've found involves a dual approach using the techniques described above, in conjunction with, hypnosis, like the anxiety relieving download mentioned above.

It works!

Sleepless in Somatic-Ville

Case study # 5**

You know that feeling when you just can’t sleep—the frustration, the jitters, the malaise?

Now imagine it goes on for over fifty years!

Doris, a 62 year old female, came to me recently at the request of her Health Care Provider. She was in a high level position with her company, but had been battling insomnia, sleep disruption and anxiety for as long as she could remember. Lately, it had become an issue in her job. Although her employer made accommodations because Doris was excellent at what she did, they began looking at other alternatives (like Hypnosis) in a final attempt to help her. Over the years, Doris had been prescribed sleeping pills, strong (and very addictive) anti-anxiety medications and herbal sleep aids. She even went so far as to have surgeries in a desperate bid for relief. Nothing really helped. Although she could go to sleep, she would wake up every single day at two am, in fight or flight mode. From there, she would toss and turn and struggle for the rest of the night, oftentimes giving up and starting her day at three or four in the morning.

This went on for FIFTY FIVE YEARS!

As time went by, although she remained in fairly good health, the sleep deprivation began to have a confounding effect on her, making her irritable, impatient, foggy brained and sometimes difficult to work with. She knew it was an issue, tried to make adjustments, but felt helpless to change.

During our first session, we discussed the situation, medical interventions and what approach to take. Because it was such a long term problem, I suspected that the issue stemmed from something deep-seated in the past; i.e., the cause of the problem. Why couldn’t Doris sleep? What kept waking her up?

With some trepidation, Doris agreed to a hypnotic regression, a process in which the subconscious mind is taken back in time, and instructed to provide a clear picture of where and when the problem began. One never knows what will be found during a regression, and sometimes the results come as a complete surprise. Looking at the strong, confident woman in front of me, I wondered what purpose the sleep disruption served. Did it give her added attention that met an unrealized need? Did she have an eating disorder and the extra activity kept her weight off? Was it a way to spend extra time with a loved one? What had happened to young Doris that gave her the idea that waking up at 2am was a good idea?

Doris was a good subject and entered a hypnotic sleep easily and deeply, and I watched as her eyes moved under her closed eyelids while she explored her inner psyche and as her arms and hands grasped, opened and the closed knobs, doors and other objects in her mind.

Perfect. She was ready.

Taking her further and further back in time, I asked her subconscious mind to reveal the origin of the sleep problem. Where did this begin? What happened?

As the image became sharper in Doris’ mind, I watched her body tense and her fists clench.

“I can see you!” she declares, accusingly.

“I see your face... I know your name... I will never forget!”

Doris is back in time with her seven year old self. She is simultaneously watching and experiencing everything.

“What’s happening?” I ask.

“I was sleeping,” she answers. “I was just sleeping and then she was there. I woke up and she was there, moving on top of me. On my chest and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t get away.”

Doris awakened from a deep sleep to sexual abuse at the hands of a female babysitter. She was young. She felt scared, vulnerable and alone.

So what did Doris’ psyche decide she needed to do?

She needed to be vigilant, to be watchful. She needed to stay awake so she would be safe. And, in a way, it worked. She was never again startled from sleep to face a sexual predator. So, with that reinforcement, the cycle perpetuated and strengthened itself year after year after year after year after year after year.

I’d like to be able to say that we were able to overcome the fearful pattern in a single session, but saying so would be a lie. There was some work involved.

Doris’ inner child needed to know that she could relax and that she was safe—a realization that took time… but it happened. Doris began to sleep. The entire night! And if she awakened, she rolled over and immediately went back to dreamland!

I first met her in December of 2019. Our last session was in February, 2020. In six sessions, over three months, together, we overcame a lifelong debilitating issue! For fifty five years, a frightened inner child had been tortured with horrible insomnia, but now…

Now, Doris is sleeping through the night.

** Names, ages and other details may be changed to protect client privacy.